The Death of Axel
by Lady-Night-Lark
Summary: We all know the story of Roxas and Sora, but do we know about Axel? What went through his mind all through Kingdom Hearts up until the point of his death?


It felt good. To fight by his side again. Well, it wasn't really him, but it was close enough. But it was never like this.

We were surrounded. By Dusks, of all the creatures. The ones that supposedly served us. Well, that's what you get when you turn against them. They destroy you. I even warned him and tried to make him stay. How could he think that no one would miss him?

I did. Every day I missed him. It's supposed to be impossible to miss anything what with being heartless. Being nothing but an empty shell. But I did. I missed him and yearned for him to come to his senses. I missed watching the sunset and eating ice cream. When he was gone everything became gray, and the ice cream had no taste. There was no one to laugh with anymore. Everything was just . . . dull. And I hated it.

I was ordered to bring him back, at any cost. No one noticed it but I had the urge to jump into a portal to Twilight Town. But they also told me he lost his memory according to the Dusks. So I sent them to find him. If his memory was erased then he could be in any world. Soon it was reported that a Dusk had fallen in Twilight Town. It was hunting for him, but it was too mindless to know the difference between the real deal and a photo. At least it gave me a clue to where he really was though.

It was difficult to find since it was nothing but a computer program, but I finally arrived the fourth day he'd been there. I found him taking part in the annual summer tournament. It was something he would've done. I paused every thing that wasn't real and sent a few Dusk his way, see if he still had that old spark of his. Heh heh, and sure enough he did. Even if he didn't recognize the Keyblade in his hand his body knew how to handle and use it. And he still had that same look of determination in his eyes as he fought.

When it seemed he was worn out I called them off and decided to make my entrance. He stared at me suspiciously, like I was a possible threat. I guess I was. So I removed my hood. Maybe he would recognize the hair. "You know, Axel." I told him. But his eyes became blank.

"Axel?"

Damn. Nothing was going to remind him. Well, an order's an order. When I brought out my chakrams he truly looked terrified, and slowly backed away. Then the whole atmosphere began to waver.

"Uh-oh." He was close to finding me. I looked both ways to make sure he didn't appear out of thin air.

When the pixels settled he groaned angrily "What's going ON!" and threw the Keyblade down and it slid next to me. Then in a flash of light it disappeared and returned to his hands.

"Number 13. Roxas." I reminded him. "The Keyblade's chosen one."

The fight broke out, and I thought a had him. He was a lot stronger than I remembered. Then a man in red and black showed up interrupting everything. With one look at him I knew. "So it was you." I sounded perfectly calm but really I was seething. This was the one who was ruining our plans to get our hearts back, and the one who took all of Roxas's memories away. I jumped back and threw both lit chakrams at him but they were deflected with a shield of pixels. There wasn't even a scratch on the bastard.

We both called out to Roxas, to make him listen to one of us. Then I was thrown back by a blinding white light and found myself in another world. It took me two days to get back to the virtual Twilight Town where I found him walking in the back alley. I summoned a Nobody for each route of escape to block. I wasn't gonna let him get away so easily this time.

"Look at what its come to. I've been given these icky orders to destroy you-if you refuse to come back with me." I said, trying to get his attention and to listen to what I was saying.

"But, we're . . ." he began hesitantly "best friends, right?"

I scratched my head "Sure . . .but I'm not getting turned into a Dusk for. . ." then it hit me. Did he really just say that? "Wait a sec! You remember now?"

"Y. . .eah," he didn't look sure, but that didn't matter to me.

"Great!" I yelped excitedly, but it wasn't really the most professional response so I tried to gain my composure back. "But, you know, gotta make sure and all. So, umm. . ." I tried to think of a question that was easy enough but also something that only a member would know. "What's our boss's name?" I questioned, still excited. We were going to get him back. I would get him back.

But his eyes were blank.

My arms lowered to my sides as it dawned on me that he didn't actually remember. He didn't remember me. The dirty liar. The Roxas I know is long gone. Fine. I see how it is.

I later caught him again down in the basement of the haunted mansion. He spoke to me like he really knew me this time. But I was done. Sick of it. I was going to end it here and now. But, out of nowhere he pulled two Keyblades out. Two. None of us knew that was possible to dual wield such a weapon. But it made me even more determined to beat him.

We hadn't brawled like we did in the program's basement in a long time. It was exciting to feel the adrenaline pump through my non-existent veins and to see that ferocious look on his face. The same exact one he showed when slaying Heartless. It said that he was entirely focused on his target, that he wouldn't run, and that he was determined to not stop until he won . . .or lost. Somewhere inside of me there was a small little part that wanted him to win, despite the consequences of my failure.

And fail I did. I took so many hits that I was drained. To the point where I could barely hold onto Eternal Flames and panted for breath. The flames around the two of us died down and the remaining ashes fluttered to the floor.

I was dead-well, more dead than I already was. I didn't accomplish my mission, therefore I was going to be converted into a Dusk once I told Superior. Not like he already knew. But I couldn't let that happen, not yet. To Hell with Kingdom Hearts! I'm not giving up till I get my best friend back. But first I had to find a place to rest for a while and stay low . . .

"Axel . . ." he had been silent till then. I wanted to laugh at the recognition in his voice. Oh, the irony. A bit late for that, don't you think partner?

I took my eyes off the floor to look into his eyes, the eyes I knew so well. I smiled. "Let's meet again in the next life." I offered with what breath I could gain.

"Yeah," he nodded "I'll be waiting." he promised. It was funny . . . how he seemed to honestly remember me after he had kicked my ass and possibly doomed my existence. Well, now was the time to make a speedy escape. I drew dark tendrils to wrap around myself to at least make it look like I was fading.

"Silly." I chided softly "Just because you have a next life . . ." That was the last thing I could get out before I was consumed into the dark portal. It was probably best if he thought I was dead-for now.

Its really upsetting when you find that your only best friend is not really them, but some one else. Don't believe me? Try being me for a while.

I hid out in the real Twilight Town and found Namine. Shortly after a man in the same coat as me appeared with the hood up. I was about to attack the guy when I noticed that he didn't belong to the Organization, but was the imposter Roxas and I tried catching before. . . he. . . Well, you know.

The imposter made no move to attack us, so I ignored him and leaned against the railing "He's gone now."

"Let's go," he said.

"You have no place to go, right?" I asked him watching the sunset. It seemed so dark, so dull now. "No place to go back to either," pushing off from the railing I turned to look at this imposter. His face was still covered in shadow as he stared silently at both Namine and I. "Since those things don't exist for us." I said waving the idea of a home off.

"Maybe there isn't. . . a place I can go back to." Namine spoke quietly for the first time. Her voice was still soft with a little ring to it, the same way it was back at Castle Oblivion. "But, there are places I want to go to. People I want to see." she gazed at her sketchbook, at the picture of Sora and Roxas in particular. She didn't care about Sora, she really wanted to see Roxas. She never even met him and she felt an attachment. What was that emotion called? Jealousy? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what I would be feeling right now.

"Same here," I sighed. The only reason I was here was because I wasn't gonna give up until I saw his smiling face again. "Well, how about you let us leave?" I asked the imposter. Without a name I didn't know what else to think of him as, so I sticked with the title. "He ordered you to eliminate us, no?"

"DiZ told you. . .to eliminate us?" Namine hugged the sketchbook to her chest like some kind of shield.

The imposter stared down at the little girl for a moment. Softly he said "Go." Almost like an order.

"Shouldn't you finish your task?" I questioned. Was this guy really just gonna let us go?

"I owe you two."

"You do?" Namine asked perplexed.

"Yes, from Castle Oblivion."

Then it clicked. The imposter was Sora's childhood friend, Riku. I guess DiZ picked the kid up after everyone else died. My, he has grown. "Then, I'll accept your offer." With no point in staying I summoned a portal and waited for Namine to come along.

She looked from me, to him, and back again. There was a silent question her eyes, Is it really okay? I nodded as an answer.

Turning back to the hooded Riku she bowed her head in apology. "I'm sorry." Then stood from the bench and trotted into the portal. I followed after her with Riku watching silently as the corridor closed.

As I was jumping from world to world I had an epiphany of sorts.

Sora willingly gave into darkness, making him a Heartless. But his heart was strong enough that he left behind a shell with a mind of its own, a high ranking Nobody. Roxas. The whole reason he was born was because the Keyblade Master gave in because of a girl who was-is-special to him. That girl was the sole reason Roxas came to existence. What if she was the cause again? Would Sora give up his heart a second time?

The impact of that thought made me stop dead, nearly tripping and falling on my face. I panted from the loss of breath from running, but also from the thought that I may just get to see Roxas again. If Sora became a Heartless. . . Roxas would be reborn, and I could have him back. I. . . I could see him again. I could laugh again. I could enjoy the warm colors of the sunset and the sweet-salty taste of our ice cream. . . I could hold him in my arms again. And make him smile with a simple kiss. . .I would be able to make him moan my name, and know that I was the reason he felt such pleasure.

I could stare into those deep blue eyes that made me feel.

In a flash I was out of Wonderland's Lotus Forest and down a dark corridor to Destiny Islands.

Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! How could I let her get away from me twice in a fucking row?

"Who are you?" the girl asked.

"Axel. I happen to be an acquaintance of Sora's." I stretched out my hand for her to take. "Why don't we go see him?"

". . .Sora?"

Yes, take the bait. Guess you're a lucky girl, aren't you? You get to see him as you beg for your life with a chakram to your throat. And just as it seemed like she was going to take my hand that damn yellow dog came running from out of nowhere. Then a portal appeared with a whistle.

"We've got something in common, Kairi" I tried dangling the carrot again. "You and I both miss someone we care about. Hey. . .I feel like we're friends already."

She turned to me, dodging the Dusk behind her and yelled "You're not acting very friendly!" then turned back to the portal and fearlessly ran into the shadows after the dog.

I found her again in Twilight Town. Those two boys tried attacking me, but, you know, you can't hit nothing. And that little brunette did absolutely nothing, the idiot, as I grabbed Kairi. She cried for me to let go and dragged her feet to try and break free, but we both knew who the stronger one was. This was going to work. It had to work.

Then out of nowhere I was kicked in the back of my knee and went down. All it took was for that little stumble and she was running away just to get away. "Shit," I cursed under my breath as yet another portal opened in front of her. I sighed. Not again. . .

"Way to fall right into their trap." I congratulated them sarcastically. Could this kid be seriously that stupid? It was hard for me to believe that this was Roxas's Somebody. When Sora turned I could see his blue eyes clearly, and I glared. Yes, they were are the same shade as Roxas's, but they looked wrong on Sora's face. Like when you walk into your house and immediately notice that something's off. Those eyes looked misplaced.

He ran closer to me and crouched into his fighting stance with his two lackeys at his heels. I had to look at the ground to collect my thoughts, cause everything this kid did made me compare him to Roxas or even reflect the blonde entirely. Like it wasn't hard enough. I pushed off the wall and uncrossed me arms. "Come on, it's a set-up by Organization XIII. Xemnas is using you to destroy the Heartless-that's his big master plan." I told them.

"Xemnas?" the duck questioned.

"The guy you just saw." I gestured to the spot where Superior just was. "He's their leader. Got it memorized? X-E-M, N-A-S." I spelled it out for them.

Just then Sora's face changed, relaxing into something like recognition. I hoped with my entire being that it was Roxas coming out slightly.

"Organization XIII wants to get rid of the Heartless?" the dog thing asked.

I shook my head sadly. "Man, you're slow." Pointing to the blade in Sora's hand I explained "Every Heartless slain with that Keyblade releases a captive heart. That is what the Organization is after."

"So what are those guys gonna do with the hearts?" feather tails asked. I smirked.

"I'm not telling."

"Tell us!" the duck demanded.

Sora broke in. "You. . . You're the one who kidnapped Kairi!"

"Bingo!" I nodded "The name's Axel. Got it memorized?"

"Where is Kairi? Please, just tell me!" he begged. Those blue eyes were filled with so much desperation. The exact same blue eyes as his Nobody. It was hard just to look at them.

"Look, about Kairi. I'm sorry." I was about to go into a detailed explanation about what happened and how I really was sorry when Saix popped into the picture and I ran.

And that's how I ended up here. Fighting by the kid that took the one person that was most important to me. Even though the two of them weren't the same it all felt nostalgic. I even pretended that it was Roxas and not Sora who I was with. Yet I wasn't capable of doing much in the fight. Running around and dodging the ones who you were once allied with could take a lot out of you. In fact, I was completely drained. But every time I stopped to catch my breath images would pop into my head, snippets of conversations, and even scents and flavors.

I handed him an ice cream and he took it without asking what it was. He took a bite and said "It's sweet. . .but also salty. What is it?" he asked turning to me.

"Sea salt ice-cream," I smiled. "It's my favorite."

"It's good." He went back to eating. Neither of us said anything else until we left. We just sat there on the tower enjoying our ice cream and the sunset.

I looked up from the ground when a Dusk hit me from behind. I spun around slashing at it until it dissolved. Turning again a threw a chakram at another one that was coming my way before I lost energy and sank back into another memory.

"Hey, Roxas. Bet you don't know why the sun sets red." I stared out at the sky and out of the corner of my eye I could see he was doing the same. "You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest."

"Like I asked, Know-it-All." He elbowed me in the ribs. I began to laugh and he joined in. I loved the sound of it, and it made me feel something inside of me, but I never gave it any mind, just enjoyed the feeling of laughing with Roxas.

I jumped backwards into a portal warping to the other side, gliding into a number of Dusk leaving a trail of flames in my wake.

"Axel," he whimpered when I pressed my lips to his neck. He had such soft skin. . . "W-we can't. Superior said-"

"Screw Superior," I snapped. I lifted my head to stare into those beautiful deep blue eyes. "I don't believe him. And even if it is true, we can still try, can't we?" I asked almost desperately. I hadn't been able to feel anything in years. But ever since this kid showed up something in my chest began to ache. Yet every time I was around him the pain eased slightly, and now that I was touching him it was completely gone, replaced with another kind of pain. A longing, a sort of desire. And I could tell that Roxas had felt it, too.

After a moment he nodded and whispered "Yes," I gently pressed my lips to his once again, licking his lower lip, trying to ease his mouth open. Roxas hesitantly, yet eagerly met my tongue with his.

"You want more?" I roared, casting flames into the increasing numbers of Nobodies. With every memory I was given a boost of energy that would quickly die away after every attack. At this rate, I wouldn't be able to keep it up. . .

I was lying in my room after our first fight. I understood that he wanted to know who he was, why he had the Keyblade, and how he was connected to Sora. But knowing any of that probably would have broken him. I wanted to tell him every thing he wanted to know, I did. I would do anything for him. . . but I just couldn't. I couldn't even look him in the face as he yelled at me. I couldn't look at his pained expressions, or I probably would have given in.

When Saix came in bruised and bloody I knew something had happened and it involved Roxas, no matter how much I wished it didn't.

"Axel," Saix panted. "Roxas has escaped."

"Get out," I told him silently without looking at my old friend.

"But Roxa-"

"Get. Out."

The door swung shut leaving me with no one but myself and the numb feeling that overcame me. With a sudden need of air I walked to the window and stared at the heart shaped moon that was supposedly going to grant the Organization's one wish.

My shoulders began to tremble, and my hands formed into fists to keep them from shaking. There was a strange sound that broke the silence of the room, a mix of a gasp and cry, and all it took was a second to realize that the sound belonged to me. For the first time in so many years, I began to cry.

It wasn't until the last tear fell that I noticed a white envelope sitting in the window sill with an ice cream stick with the word WINNER inside.

"I think I liked it better when they were on my side." I stood back to back with Sora, completely surrounded. It was amazing at how many there really were. It seemed never ending.

"Feeling a little. . .regret?" the kid teased.

"Nah," I shrugged and turned my head around to look at him. "I can handle these punks. Watch this!" Turning back to the horde of Nobodies I leapt into the middle of the chaos. I released my chakrams letting them dance in a circle around me as I curled into myself. I summoned every last bit of strength I had left, pouring it into the center of my chest were the energy began to hum and warm up until it was ready to boil over. As I was about to release it all a voice screamed in my head.

"Axel, no!"

Roxas, I thought as I roared in pain and everything went up in flames.

"Axel!"

The next thing I know I'm lying on the ground staring at the flowing emblems. I heard fast footfalls approaching, but it was faint. Sora was there standing over me assessing the dark smoke that emitted from me. I didn't have to see them, I could feel myself getting lighter.

"You're. . .fading away. . ." He looked sad as he said it.

"Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack. You know what I mean?" I scoffed. "Not that Nobodies actually have beings. . . right?" I turned my head slightly to look at the kid. He really did look so much like him. . . "Anyway, I digress. Go, find Kairi. Oh, almost forgot. Sorry for what I did to her." There really was no need to say all of this, but I felt obligated to. Since I wasn't going to be around to say it later.

"When we find her, you can tell her that yourself." He said. I smiled. Can't you see what's happening, kid? I don't have time.

"Think I'll pass." I moved my eyes back up, and instead of watching the sky I watched the dark tendrils and ashes float up. "My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one." I laughed. At my stupid pun, at my ongoing ramble, at the entire situation, but mainly at myself.

"Axel, what were you trying to do?" Sora questioned. And after a moment of hesitation I thought he ought to know.

"I wanted to see Roxas."

Everything went dark in that moment. I couldn't be gone already. I was standing up, not lying on the ground. Its said that when you disappear you lose everything until your absolutely nothing.

There was a dim light in front of me that morphed into a familiar form of blonde hair and a short body frame. My breath caught in my throat as every detail became crystal clear, even those blue eyes that held a look of pain and misery. Roxas. My Roxas.

"Axel, please." He ran into my open arms pressing his face into my chest. "Please, you can't leave." He begged. I missed his voice so much. . .

"He. . . was the only one I liked. . ." I slipped in and out of oblivion. From Sora's worried look in Betwixt and Between to Roxas's falling tears in the darkness. I couldn't feel anything, but I could still feel Roxas's shaking form in my numb arms like he was the only thing I was capable of feeling. "He made me feel. . . like I had a heart."

He turned his tear stained face up to me. "You mean it?"

I wiped my thumb across his cheek to catch a droplet. "Yes, and you still do. I never lied once to you Rox, even if you think I did."

He turned his face back down and shook his head. "I don't. I know you didn't lie to me." his voice broke. I gripped his chin to tilt it back up.

"Please don't cry, Roxas." Now it was my turn to beg. "I can't stand to see you cry. There's nothing to even be sad about."

"But your fading. . ." he mumbled resting his head on my chest once again. "You can't fade. You just can't." he began to rock back and forth and cried "You just can't Axel!"

I returned to the real world, finding that Sora was still there. "It's kind of funny," I turned my head back to Sora smiling softly. "You make me feel the same. . ." my smile died as I returned to Roxas again. I could feel it. . .I. . . .was nearly gone. I didn't want to stay here anymore. I wanted to stay with Roxas until the very last minute. "Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go." I commanded. My hand shook as I opened the portal with the very last amount of strength I had. Then it fell limp. So I closed my eyes.

I went back to Roxas who was still sobbing. It was so hard to see him like this, to see his entire body racking with pain, to see him broken. I removed the gloves, cupping his smooth, warm face in my hands and forced him to look up. When our eyes met everything seemed to stop for a second. Our breathing, his tears, everything. I kissed each new drop from his cheeks tasting the salty sweetness of them. Just like our ice cream. And for a minute I could see the sunset again, in all its glorious reds, golds and pinks. And the beautiful pain I felt inside of me that first night returned. I had everything again. I had Roxas again.

"Thank you for the winner stick." I told him.

A smile crept onto his face and he laughed a genuine laugh. I smiled too and chuckled along with him. Then I kissed him and he kissed back. We stood that way for what felt like an eternity, but even an eternity wasn't enough time with him. It would never be enough.

We pulled apart for breath at some point never once letting go. I stared into those eyes that I had been longing for so long now and he stared back.

"Roxas," my voice broke slightly "Roxas, I love you. With all of me. I don't want you to ever forget that, okay? Don't ever forget me. Please," Tears of my own began to roll down my cheeks. "Don't ever forget me or how I feel about you."

A fresh wave tumbled through his eyes and shook his head. "You can't leave," he whispered hoarsely.

"Please, Roxas," I begged desperately. "Promise me."

Roxas drew a shaky breath before he answered. "I love you too, Axel. I always will. I won't forget, I swear I won't forget!" he promised harshly. He slumped against me and I lowered us to our knees. Never letting go of each other and never tearing our eyes away from the other's gaze.

"I won't forget, I won't forget anything. I'll always remember you, I'll keep myself remembering, I'll remember every day, every night, every second! I won't forget anything. I promise I won't!"

I nodded to everything he said and I hoped that he would keep his word. I don't know what I would do if he forgot me. "I love you," I repeated. "So much, Roxas. Got it memorized?"

He cracked a tiny smile that made my chest ache, with both my love for him and the pain that I was about to disappear from his life. "I'll always remember that, too." He promised.

Our tears mixed together when we kissed again and for the very last time. Just a sweet but burning, passionate kiss. Exactly like our first one. We remained wrapped in each others arms and gazes until I faded into total oblivion.


End file.
